Grieving...

I simply mentioned that I had spent part of the last month saying goodbye to food. 
The follow  up to that (not so) simple statement was that I WAS NOT saying goodbye to food forever... that the attitude I was displaying would become a roadblock to my future success. 

I really wish he'd asked what I meant. 

What I meant is that I knew that my eating habits are going to be different, and I was taking my time to say goodbye to some very old, close companions.

Almost 2 years ago, I moved from Austin, Texas back to Phoenix, Arizona.  It is too small a thing to say that I LOVE Austin.  My life changed there, and it is the first town where I have ever felt at home.  I did not want to move back... not really, but it became necessary.  I found that I was going through a grieving process about a place.  That process took time. 

I expect there will be similar things with food, though in many ways this might be more difficult because I will constantly be inundated with the wrong kinds of food - and pressure to eat it - for the rest of my life. 

So, how do you begin to say goodbye? 

When I was in Austin, I spent several weekends going around taking photos of things and places that either grabbed my attention or had memories attached to them.  I have made a poster of my photos that I hang in my room. 

Over the past month,  I have been deliberately taking my time savoring one last time with xxxx thing.  Soda, ice cream, Peanut Butter cups, french fries...  Etc. 
So, in that process, I have gained 2 pounds over the past 6 weeks. 

Honestly, that does not break my heart.  not one single bit.  This makes it MY CHOICE to let go.  I get to say goodbye MY WAY.  If this whole thing is about me and for me - why should my way of doing that be any different?  What I need to remember is that after surgery, I will still grieve.  I will remember the wonderful salty goodness of french fries... and other things will come back.  It's even ok to remember them fondly and even feel sad.  But that's it.  I can always go back to Austin.  I really can't return to those things.  Going forward, protein intake will be the most important part of my daily diet. 

I know how I did with the other.  I will have to look back on this and remember that it is ok to be where I am.  That this is a process that I will have ups and downs.  I hope I do remember this. 

Please remind me, when I forget...